In our first blog, we covered the basics of writing your own funny top ten list. If you haven’t already seen if click here. Otherwise, let’s move on to the next topic. SLOGANS!
The following suggestions will help you write a David Letterman style top ten list.
- 10. Funny Stuff happens all the time. Write it down.
- 9. Exploit the opposites.
- 8. Expose the shortcomings.
- 7. Dumb it up. Dumb it down.
- 6. Being verbose can be humorous.
- 5. Come from the perspective of being increasingly desperate.
- 4. Having an edge can make you funnier.
- 3. Use your pet peeves as your catalyst.
- 2. Treat your completed lists as catharsis
- 1. GET STARTED.
If you’ll recall our previous case study was how my friends visited Peru to work at an orphanage and hike Machu Picchu. We broke down 4 related lists.
This time we’re going to look at crafting a top ten list of slogans from several different genres. It will give us a different perspective as to what’s possible in our writing.
TOP TEN LIST #1
My mom’s favorite butterscotch candy. Werther’s Original! It became an ongoing joke because my mom would always rave about Werther’s like nobody had ever had one before. She would offer them to guests and even leave them as gifts. It was weird. She was like a walking Werther’s dispenser. So I started joking about it.
It was my observation that 99% of Werther’s customers are over the age of 75. You’ll never go to the skateboard park and see one of the kids pull out a bag of Werther’s to share with his homies. Although that’s a hilarious scenario.
So I played off of the premise of Werther’s image being outdated. I wondered what it would be like to create a slogan for an antiquated caramel candy. This was my list.
TOP TEN UNUSED WERTHER’S ORIGINAL SLOGANS
- 10. Do you remember Pearl Harbor? Then we’ve got a candy for you!
- 9. Easy-open wrapper won’t aggravate your crippling arthritis.
- 8. If it lodges in your throat it will be a delicious death!
- 7. Werther’s. The perfect treat after your polio vaccination.
- 6. Guaranteed to keep your mouth moist even during the longest winded stories!
- 5. A million geriatrics can’t be wrong.
- 4. Follow us on Twitter for up to minute news on a product that hasn’t changed in 117 years.
- 3. America’s favorite bottom of your purse lint covered candy!
- 2. PLEASE try our product. Our customers are dropping like flies.
- 1. Disappointing kids since 1903!
What makes this list funny? I came from the perspective of a desperate advertising agent at Werther’s. Trying to drum up business for a product exclusively enjoyed by the elderly (nice alliteration there eh?). As the list proceeds, you’ll feel the desperation intensify!
TOP TEN LIST #2
We’re going to write some slogans again in this one. Focusing on one of my favorite cities, NEW ORLEANS! The buildings in the French Quarter are a beautiful mix of European influences. It’s a cultural epicenter and the cuisine and nightlife are totally unique. It also smells really bad and is overrun with homeless people. They add to the mystique!
Las Vegas has a famous city slogan. Well after my recent trip to New Orleans, I thought about some funny slogans for their city.
TOP TEN FUNNY SLOGANS FOR NEW ORLEANS
- 10. I stepped in a puddle on Bourbon street and now I have AIDS!
- 9. Government mandate requires every resident wear Saints merchandise at all times.
- 8. I came for the party. I stayed for the homeless street entertainers!
- 7. Beignet, jambalaya and Muffuletta. Delicious food, also perfectly acceptable children’s names!
- 6. Join a mob of irresponsible drunk people making poor decisions!
- 5. We have more trombone players than any other state!
- 4. Bourbon Street is like Sesame Street…in HELL.
- 3. Avoid eye contact with aggressive religious zealots.
- 2. Flash your genitals and be rewarded with cheap plastic beads!
- 1. RIP your liver.
OF course, the funny part about anything in life isn’t about celebrating its virtues but exposing its shortcomings. That’s why comedy roasts are so enjoyable. Nola was great for comedy cause it’s so different. During my entire trip, I was scanning for jokes and making notes. I actually have three extras slogans that I wrote for the list.
No fruits or vegetables since 1718! The only hurricane you need to fear is the one at Pat O’Briens. Don’t worry you’ll get used to the sewer smell.
Again, every joke came from my observations during my vacation. All the food is seafood or meat-based, served with bread. Rarely will you get a vegetable option. Pat O’Brien’s Hurricane rum drink is the reason people are falling down on Bourbon street and there is a bad sewer smell every 20 feet.
TOP TEN LIST #3
Several years ago it came to my attention of a condition known as Mountain Dew mouth. Similar to meth mouth in appearance. It happens after prolonged consumption of sugary sodas. I googled the pictures and it was hilarious. Perfectly healthy teeth that had deteriorated to brown rotten nubs just by consuming green pop. LOL. So I came up with some Mountain Dew slogans.
- 10. Top choice when you’re craving a mildly corrosive glow in the dark fluid.
- 9. Poor man’s Fresca.
- 8. I can’t believe its not poison.
- 7. My cat drank some and now I can’t wake him up!
- 6. The choice of a Dew Generation.
- 5. Carbonated windshield washer fluid with Aspartame!
- 4. Coke’s neon cousin!
- 3. Dew’d I think I’m going to hurl.
- 2. What would you doo-oo-oo for a Mountain Dew?!
- 1. Mountain don’t!
Shout out to my buddy Schwabby who came up with #1 after reading my list. It was too good to pass. He penned two simple words that completed the top ten with a home run.
OBVIOUSLY, if you were writing slogans for an ad campaign you’d never be disparaging towards the product. But that’s what makes these lists so funny.
This list has examples of “Dumb it up Dumb it down.” There are times when being verbose is funny (#10) and other times when being simple is more appropriate (#3).
TOP TEN LIST #4
The final list we’re going to write funny slogans for terrible tasting beer that been getting bad press because of a virus that shares its name.
FACT. Corona is a terrible beer. People think it’s good because of slick marketing and some Pavlovian association with fun (i.e. the beach, vacation, summer…whatever).
What’s the first thing you do when you open a beer? You DRINK it. What’s the first thing you do when you open a Corona? You SMELL it……to determine if it’s skunky and requires a citrus slice to make it palatable. I’m not saying I never drink them…..I do occasionally…..but only because I’m an alcoholic. Otherwise, I’d rather drink lime-scented hand sanitizer.
TOP TEN alternate Corona slogans
- 10. Beer lovers’ last resort.
- 9. The only thing worse than the virus is the beer.
- 8. You’ll only make that funny face for the first 50 sips.
- 7. Remember all those drunk skanks you banged in Acapulco? You’re welcome.
- 6. 5% alcohol 95% Tijuana tap water.
- 5. The perfect refreshment while driving through the desert to a cockfight!
- 4. Our brewmaster is a sombrero-wearing armadillo!
- 3. The only beer that doesn’t aggravate George Lopez’s transplanted kidney!
- 2. Looks like skunk piss, smells like skunk piss, tastes like shit!
- 1. Stay gullible my friends!
Having an edge can make your writing funnier. Most standups use pet peeves and personal dislikes as a catalyst for comedy. It’s the same with top tens.
I would go to parties and see people drinking Corona and say “doesn’t your beer smell skunky” They’d reply “I guess?” Then why are you drinking it? “I don’t know”. That’s slick marketing when they can promote a foul-smelling beverage and make people think it tastes good. Hats off Corona.
Also writing an edgy joke list can be a type of Catharsis when it’s completed. Like you’ve released a tension. You’ll see what I mean.
TOP TEN THINGS WE LEARNED.
So concludes Part 2. If you haven’t checked out the first blog on Top Tens please CLICK HERE. In the next lesson, we’ll choose a variety of miscellaneous topics. This will help us further craft ideas and improve our comedy writing.
